the lighter side of the news

This page is dedicated to news articles that I run across from time to time. They may be amusing, outrageous, ridiculous, or simply stories that I think are worth sharing. If you find a news article that you think should be on this page, e-mail a short summary with the details to me and I'll try to add it when I update the page. Any comments I might make will be in italics.

Message from Dave

July 26

Nothing better to do?

A man in Malaysia has been spending his time in an unusual way lately. For the last three weeks he has been living in a 7-by-10 foot glass cage, but not alone. For company he has shared the cage with more than 6,000 scorpions! He plans on ending his feat today. So far, he's only been stung 95 times! Says the man, "God willing, I will come out and bring glory to my nation, and recognition for myself."

You show me a man who wants to spend three weeks living in a box with 6,000 scorpions, and I'll show you a man with wa-a-a-y too much time on his hands!


July 25

Private planet

Three men in Yemen have filed a lawsuit against NASA, demanding that they suspend all exploration and operations on Mars. Why? According to these three men, they own the red planet! The men have filed documents in a Yemeni court that they say will prove their claim! Part of one of the documents is quoted as saying, "We inherited the planet from our ancestors 3,000 years ago."

Uh, huh. I wonder just who their "ancestors" are?


July 25

Sure! But how do you tune it?

Physicists at Cornell University have made a rather small guitar. How small? How about the size of a human blood cell! The guitar, which is 20 times thinner than a human hair, was created to demonstrate the possibility of building micromachines.


July 15

An honest cabby

New York City cab driver Qurbe Tizmirzi had just dropped off a fare outside her Harlem home. Shortly afterwards, while inspecting his cab, he found a paper bag. When he opened the bag, he saw that it was full of money! Thirty-two thousand, eight hundred and fifty-nine dollars, to be exact! He hailed a police officer, who found papers in the bag identifying the owner as a 71-year-old woman, who wished to keep her identity concealed. She told the police that her apartment was prone to burglaries, so she kept all her cash in a paper bag and carried it with her. After listening to police officers, she has decided to open a bank account. Tizmirzi refused any reward, even though the lady offered several times. He told her, "I need your blessings. I don't need a reward."

Every time I see stories like this one, I put them here. We need to be reminded as often as possible that there are still honest people in the world! There's another story about honesty below.


July 14

Too bizarre!

In Cairo, Egypt, a man was pronounced dead and placed in the morgue. After spending 12 hours in the morgue refrigerator, he regained consciousness and began shouting for help. As if that weren't bizarre enough, there's more. The paramedic that found him alive, collapsed in shock and died himself!

I know this is not what you would consider a humerous story, but I thought it was just too bizarre for me not to put it here!


July 12

I know just how he feels!

Police in Issaquah, Washington, responded to a call from an apartment building about gunshots being fired. When they arrived and determined which townhouse the shots had come from, they called the man inside and talked him into coming out peacefully. They then entered the apartment to see who or what had been shot, and guess what they found? When they took a look at his personal computer, they found four bullet holes in the hard drive and one in the monitor! Apparently, the man had shot his computer out of frustration! Fortunately, even though one of the shots entered an adjoining townhouse, no one was injured.

I'd almost bet that there isn't a person reading this that hasn't felt like doing the very same thing, or something similar, to their computer at least once! I know I've sure felt that way before! :-D


June 29

Honesty is its own reward

Alan Brown, of Philadelphia, had recently lost his job. His unemployment ran out in May. His wife had also lost her job. As if that wasn't enough, the couple has a three-year-old daughter to support. After being invited to a dinner, Mr. Brown went to a thrift store to buy a used suit for $15. This left him with $6 to his name. When he stuck his hand in one of the pockets, he pulled out a $10,000 savings bond! His conscience wouldn't let him keep it, and as it turns out, the owner of the bond, George Sisak, 84, needed it more than he did. Mr. Sisak and his wife, also 84, had been injured in a traffic accident and lived at a convalescent home. Even though Mr. Brown's only reward was gas money for the trip to and from the home, he says he doesn't regret his decision to return the money.

I love to see stories like this! It's nice to know that there are still honest people out there!


June 24

So easy a child could do it!

New York's Department of Motor Vehicles is taking a little heat because of their exam for people to get their learner's permit. Out of a class of 26 students in Brooklyn's P.S. 321, 19 got perfect scores. So what, you ask? It was a third grade class! Officials say the test will allow people who are just learning to get their permit more easily, and then focus on fundamentals later.

Whooeey! I reckon that's where granny oughta have taken her test!


June 23

And you thought YOUR grandpa could yell!

For the second time, 82-year-old Robey Morgan has won the National Hollerin' Contest at Spivey's Corner, North Carolina. Mr. Morgan began his yell like a siren, and then turned it into a rendition of Amazing Grace.


June 16

The Sound of Music

In Washington state, hiker Christopher Wearstler had been missing for nine days, when he staggered into the Elkhorn Ranger Station search camp. He had not eaten for five days, and had lost 25 pounds. How did he find the camp? He says he was following the sounds of bagpipes and flutes. Curt Sauer, the chief ranger of Olympic National Park said, "We don't have any up there, so he was apparently beginning to hallucinate."

Hmmm. Maybe Julie Andrews knew more than she was telling!


June 11

Deaf hero "had a feeling"

On April 30th, Lavern Turner saw a house burning in Little Rock, Arkansas. Although he is deaf, he says that he "sensed someone was in trouble." He was right. Lavern went into the house and found and rescued two children. He has been given the Governor's Lifesaving Award for his daring, and selfless act of heroism.

Wow! Stories like these are simply amazing to me!


June 4

The Young and the Out of Gas?

So you need to fill up your tank, but you're afraid you'll miss your favorite soap opera? If you live in Fishers, Indiana, that's no problem at all! Just fill up at the Sunblest Shell gas station in this Indianapolis suburb. The gas pumps have 6-inch television screens that come on automatically with the pumps!


May 15

I knew it!!

Have you ever thought that people take longer to get out of a parking place that you're waiting on then normal? Well, you're right! According to a study by a Penn State University sociologist, people leaving a parking spot that someone else is waiting for take an average of 43 seconds, as opposed to only 32.3 seconds leaving an unwanted parking spot.

Don't they realize how much shopping I can get done in those 10.7 seconds???


Top of page

Comments or articles? Send them to me!

Hillbilly Dave's | Question of the Month | The Lighter Side of the News | Hillbilly Humor
Words o' Wisdom | The Porch | Who (or what) is Hillbilly Dave? | Awards | Links | The Armory